church issues · the girls

A tough evening

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Try to be a rainbow in someone else’s cloud. Do not complain. Make every effort to change things you do not like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution.”
Maya Angelou

church issues · goals


a day off. nice.

I’m officially over this whole OooRetailWillBeFun thing. Selling makeup was fun for a bit, but the scheduling has been horrific. This Christmas was supposed to be my holiday with the girls, and I think I had a total of 36 hours with them. Whirlwind 4 hour drives to North Florida do not exactly make for meaningful family time, ya know?
So I’ve applied for a few Instructional Assistant positions with the county schools, and I’m awaiting a phone call from a friend-of-a-friend who may have a job for me as well. I can’t wait to get out of retail world and be a real mom again.
The ex had the BethyGirls for New Years, and I went to Cinci to see my favorite male. We went to a fabulous shindig at Shadowbox in Newport Kentucky, and for New Years Day enjoyed an IronChef marathon and some yummy chili with J5’s mom and brother. (hi!) God made some pretty snow for me too, thrilling for my native Floridian self. It was a great trip, just way too short.

My only New Year’s Resolution is to get myself back to church. Yes, I know, you can have church anywhere, and God is with us all the time, etc etc. But I miss it, and I know that I have to present some sort of alternative to the BethyGirls. If they have to choose between something and nothing when they grow up, they’ll choose something. I plan on at least giving them an alternative that doesn’t make them think that the world around them is evil and scary.
Because it’s quite the opposite.

pics to come, as soon as I unlazy myself and make a slideshow. wonder how long that’ll take..?

church issues · the girls

venting, sans the Jesus tee.

I’m irritated beyond belief, and I’m going to vent.
I just got back from a pool party for BethyGirl1’s  class at school. Now, keep in mind, she spent last night with BethyEx.I’m at the pool, lots of parents and kids milling around, they’re all getting ready to go swimming. I’m in the middle of a conversation with BethyGirl1’s  teacher, and out of the corner of my eye, I see BethyGirl1 on her way to the pool. With a humongous Jesus t-shirt on over her bathing suit. She proceeds to get in the pool with the shirt on.I walk over, and tell her the the wet shirt is probably making her colder, with it sticking to her and all, and she says, “No, mama, I’m being modest.”

This is the same child who, when I pulled a tank top out of the dryer for her to wear one Saturday, cried and refused to wear it.
And her sister pulled the same stunt about a pair of regular (not too short) shorts.

I’m all in favor of modesty. But I KNOW that this comes from the ex and his ‘group’.   And to be completely honest, it looked ridiculous, and called attention to her in the way that a normal bathing suit never would have.

I was seething, and kind of still am. Not necessarily about this one incident (although, yeah it bugs me,) but also for what he has put into her brain about what modesty means.

Am I overreacting?  Last time I checked, here’s the definition of modesty:

 mod·est       (mŏd’ĭst)  Pronunciation Key 

  1. Having or showing a moderate estimation of one’s own talents, abilities, and value.
  2. Having or proceeding from a disinclination to call attention to oneself; retiring or diffident. See Synonyms at shy1.
  3. Observing conventional proprieties in speech, behavior, or dress.
  4. Free from showiness or ostentation; unpretentious. See Synonyms at plain.
  5. Moderate or limited in size, quantity, or range; not extreme: a modest price; a newspaper with a modest circulation.

Tell you what.

Put a virgin in a tight mini and halter, and a slut in an ankle length dress.  Observe them for 15 minutes, and I bet you can tell who’s who.  Modesty is more about actions and attitude, and much less about the clothes one chooses.  Especially when you’re 11. 


church issues · mind blurbs · music · relationships


Dan, I’m sorry, but I’m totally stealing this from you. I adore Imogen Heap, and you have to share, that’s all there is to it. 😉

I’m leaving in an hour to go see someone from the church I used to attend. She’s one of the people I really felt a connection with; she was my friend. I’m kind of hoping to continue that friendship now; it’s been, wow, 10 years (is that right? I don’t know…) since I’ve seen her. I’m anxious, yet hopeful, that she wants to see me because of me, and not to ‘save’ me. I mean, I know her beliefs, generally, and I know that part of her religion is to preach it to others, so I’m pretty sure that’ll be part of it. I’m nervous. Can’t type what I’m feeling, really. I want her to see me and see that I’m not a bad guy, I’m not the enemy, I’m just a woman who couldn’t deal with those beliefs anymore. I don’t want to look at her and see her looking down at me. I want this to be about friendship, and not religion.

I guess I’ll know tonight, huh?

Wish me luck.

And Happy Cinco de Mayo to all you party people. Be careful.

church issues · the girls · work

Saturdays. yay.

mickeyOk, so I’m off to a Build-a-Bear Birthday Party (say that 5 times fast) and then home to take a nap.  I’m preparing for a short but late shift tonight working for The Mouse.   It’s Grad Nite, a basically-all-nite party for Florida high school seniors. I get to dress up in my lovely Adventureland costume, (complete with red MC Hammer, aka Agrahammer, pants) listen to music, and police a bunch of 17 & 18 year olds. And believe it or not, I’m pretty excited about it. Shouldn’t be too much traffic where I am, so I anticipate a lot of cast member goof offness. Last night Mickey rode Aladdin’s Magic Carpets. I’m hoping he makes another visit tonight. Fun fun. I’ll be working at least til 2:30am (sigh) and possibly 4:30 if I can convince them to let me stay and get paid for a few more hours.

Then up in the morning to go to mass, because, apparently, the good catholic girl in me is starting to reappear.

…and if I don’t get off the computer right this second, I’m going to be late for bear building. You guys be safe out there on the information superhighway. Smooches to you, and happy shooting.

church issues · relationships

Reflections on Sara Teasdale

Home from work today… watching wedding disasters on Lifetime, seriously craving some ahi tuna, and reading Sara Teasdale. Ahh… just what I needed.  I came across a few poems that really hit home to me, and especially relate to my life these past few years.  (Yet another blog that will have no significance to anyone but me…. but so be it.)  Thought I’d share.

“Leaves” represents so much to me. Many years of trying to be someone that I am not… the leaves to me represent friendships that I absolutely had to release in order to live life the way it should be led.  Sometimes those relationships  keep us from seeing all that life has to offer, and once we release the fear of losing those ties, we’re able to trust ourselves and our consciences.   So much of this poem relates to my c of c experiences. 


One by one, like leaves from a tree,
All my faiths have forsaken me;
But the stars above my head
Burn in white and delicate red,
And beneath my feet the earth
Brings the sturdy grass to birth.
I who was content to be
But a silken-singing tree,
But a rustle of delight
In the wistful heart of night–
I have lost the leaves that knew
Touch of rain and weight of dew.
Blinded by a leafy crown
I looked neither up nor down–
But the little leaves that die
Have left me room to see the sky;
Now for the first time I know
Stars above and earth below.

And the flip side of the coin.  Some relationships, incredibly,  refuse to fade with time… the ones that don’t simply allow us to be who we are, they revel and encourage us to discover more of ourselves, and make us better.  I am incredibly grateful that I have seen both sides of this coin, so that I can appreciate it all the more.  I wouldn’t trade the loneliness; without it I wouldn’t have recognized true love.  If one day it’s gone, at least I’ll have known that it exists.

I Remembered

There never was a mood of mine,
Gay or heart-broken, luminous or dull,
But you could ease me of its fever
And give it back to me more beautiful.

In many another soul I broke the bread,
And drank the wine and played the happy guest,
But I was lonely, I remembered you;
The heart belongs to him who knew it best.