…oh, hello doubt!
Seriously, tonight I flipped out about parking downtown and instead of meeting my trivia boss I just turned around and headed home. Um, I used to go downtown all the time and fight the crowds – never bothered me. While I’m driving around, afraid to park too far away and walk by myself, I thought, “Why do you think you can do things? How will you walk the Camino when you can’t even FLIPPING DRIVE DOWNTOWN AND PARK without nearly having a panic attack?”
Tonight, I’m disappointed in myself. We’ll see how I feel tomorrow.
“Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. Go forward and make your dreams come true.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am typically an open book type person. People in my life tend to know exactly what’s going on with me – good, bad, or ugly. I have found that the bad and ugly things make for the best stories, especially when told with a good dose of humor. There are very few things that I refuse to talk about. I think learning more about each other and our struggles makes us better people, generally, and helps us to know that we’re all in this together.
That being said, I think I’ll keep my whole Camino conversation confined to this blog and the Camino de Santiago forum. There’s a strange feeling I have about it — I want to talk about it ALL THE TIME, but it’s also intensely personal to me, and I have difficulty when folks are less than supportive, or don’t understand it. Last night at trivia I spoke to one of my regulars about it, and about halfway through, I could tell by the look on his face that he either a) thought it was a terrible idea, or b) figured this was a silly phase I was going through, and I’d be over it in a few days. My reaction about sharing this with him:
Lesson learned. I’ll talk to family and very close friends about it, who understand this strange calling/compulsion I have to take this journey. That will be good enough. I’ll fight the urge to make my whole camino about my ego and proving the naysayers wrong. Struggle alert! See y’all later. 🙂
PS If any other Camino folks are reading this, and can identify, pop a comment down there. I’d appreciate it. ❤