You guys. I’m doing a thing. I think I’m going to tell you about it. Even if nobody’s listening – mostly cause nobody’s listening.
I’m a big picture person. Always have been. Considering my so far 6 year stint as a trivia host, it’s a little funny. Details don’t really stick in my head. I remember feelings, and faces, and gists of things. In some ways, this serves me very well. I have the ability to forgive easily, because truthfully I just don’t recall the wrongs done to me. (Don’t worry, my mom reminds me, she remembers EVERYTHING.) So basically, if my overall impression of someone is positive, then that’s what sticks with me. In the long run, this helps me to remain generally happy. Here’s the thing, though. By not remembering less-than-savory actions/intentions of others, I romanticize. I get stuck – and I am completely aware of it when I do it. (You’ve seen the god-awful posts.) There are those few people who, if I really thought about it, I would realize that they didn’t have my interests in mind, but that damn overall impression is so good that I forgive it — well, not necessarily forgive it, but I just don’t think of their shortcomings at all. Only that delightful, fluffy, warm fuzzy kind of feeling they gave me. The older I get, the more I realize how damaging it is, and I have to force myself to come out of the old and fully come into the new. Someone who cares about you doesn’t hurt you on purpose. End of story. And a relationship like that doesn’t deserve fond memories, or a place in my brain.
So this is where I’ve been. Stuck remembering things as good when, in fact, they were just built on lies and pretend lives and some weird need to be paid attention to. I’ve written about it before but I’m sick of thinking about it. I need some Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind kind of shit, lol. If I’m being honest, that’s what I’m really looking for in my September Camino – the ability to see things as they really are and MOVE ON. My brain surprises and disappoints me with its inability to do this. I need a bigger experience to dwell on. I’m ready for Autumn. ❤
Sometimes you’re Summer, sometimes you’re Tom.
You guys. I’m really doing this.
It’s really happening.
Here’s my view in September:
Here I come, Refuge Orisson!
Here I come, Camino de Santiago!
I can’t wait. I have to wait. I can’t wait.
I just love everybody right now. 🙂
I have a LOT going on right now. Is there such a thing as a goal-junkie? I’ve gone from never ever setting goals, for fear of never reaching them, to wanting a set, measurable goal for everything I do. Yes, this is good, but as a person who gets overwhelmed easily, sometimes I fear that I’m setting myself up for failure. The key to all of this is going to be organization – once again, not normally one of my strengths. Hello, 2015 Challenge.
From past experience in things like Weight Watchers and onthejob happenings, I know that if I have a measurable goal and keep track of progress, I WILL accomplish it. Now that I’m starting a new job from home, getting fit, learning Spanish, returning to the Catholic church, and in the meantime trying to be an exceptional mom and spouse(ish), I realize how important it is to measure daily, weekly, monthly, and have set benchmarks to know if I’m keeping up. This is where my passion planner comes in. Now, because I was late to the game, I’m not getting it til February so I just have to Hold On through January so that I don’t lose motivation.
This is likely a real bore of a post to anyone who isn’t me, so congratulations if you actually read it. Sometimes you just need to put it out there, ya know? (I know.)
Adventure. We’re all looking for it, aren’t we? Well, except for those fortunate few who find contentment in routine, who somehow have all they want without any searching at all. I feel like most of my life there has been something in me, shouting, “Change! Change!” The moment I see a schedule coming, I buck it, scared to death of a rut. It seems to me to be the worst thing in the world, a rut. Rut. Rut. The word itself is just unlikable, isn’t it?
Yuck. A long deep track that you get stuck in if you stay in it for too long. FRIGHTENING.
Back to adventure. That’s a much better word, yes? Yes.
It occurred to me last night, in the slippery almost-asleep part of the evening, that Adventure is not the same thing as Chaos. I know, you probably realized this ages ago, but to me it was a revelation. I’ve been confusing the two for so long – sabotaging relationships and jobs because they just felt too comfortable, too easy. The fear of becoming ordinary, being stuck, kept me from honing skills and becoming competent at one thing. Schedule and routine can actually make Adventure much more attainable, and, (I guess I’ll admit it) maybe it really is an important part of the process. Life doesn’t have to be chaotic and emotional in order to be fantastic.
I will forever choose Adventure. It’s in my soul to do that. From now on, though, I think I’ll choose it from a place of peace.
Ya know, I usually have a big New Year’s post – it seems that’s my habit – filled with things that will hopefully occur in the coming year. This time, although I have several very specific goals in mind, I’ll just say this: I will stop sabotaging the life I have chosen for myself by looking back. So many good things will happen in 2015. Maybe I’ll share here, maybe I won’t. Contentment and happiness don’t come from living in the past, only from looking forward and living now.
I don’t think I would have come to this had it not been for my plans to walk the Camino. Amazing how it has changed me already.
“That which we persist in doing becomes easier to do, not that the nature of the thing has changed but that our power to do has increased.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
Hi! Welp, yes, I needed tissues. 🙂 That’s alright.
So, it’s been a few days since my last real update. I’ve been walking like a crazy woman. Every day, at least 10000 steps, which equals about 4 miles. My typical route for my morning walk is 3.2 miles. I’ll be upping that soon. Aches and pains are starting to show, which was really the point of doing this 40 day everyday walk. Knees, ankles, all that good stuff. I need to know what my weak points are and what will need special attention when I’m walking a normal week’s worth of miles in one or two days. Here’s where I am so far in my trek.
And here’s where I am on the lovely Camino, courtesy of Walking4Fun.com, including this week’s miles so far.
Still dreaming, still striving, still motivated. Life is Good.
I left the charger to my beloved Chromebook in Perry and I hate wordpressing from my phone, so I’m tardy to the blogging party this week. Woopsie.
Got rained on like crazy at the FSU game but it was still a blast. As always, I’m interested to see how the rest of the season goes. Last year’s National Championship has spoiled me. 🙂
I’ve still been walking every day, and keeping track of my progress along my pretend Camino, courtesy of walking4fun.com. About 38 miles into the trip, and it’s INSANE to me that I will only take 2-3 days to walk what I’ve walked in a week. Here’s where Walking4Fun has me – not the most scenic of routes, but that’s not the most important thing, now, is it?
My mind is everywhere tonight. It’s been a long day of organizing the house and I’m flat out pooped.
Here’s some good music. Because you deserve good music.
Alrightie, so I have now officially walked 2 DAYS IN A ROW, people! This is not actually a grand reason to celebrate, but it will do. Here’s where I am on my fictional Camino, thanks to Walking 4 fun –
Yep, I’m moving right along — almost halfway to Roncesvalles. Is this entertaining to anyone besides me? I dunno. Oh well. I think it’s cool.
And here’s what I might look like in 2 years when I am 7.2-ish miles in:
Aaaah! Isn’t it pretty?! I will be one of those little dot people!
Obviously I’m ridiculously excited about this — oops, have I said that before? I am going to say it so many more times. The views and the travel are big reasons for the anticipation, but more than that, it will be time to reflect, time to spend with my Dad, and time to really get down to the basics of life…utter simplicity. I have to be careful not to wish my life away these next 2 years waiting for Camino time.
Next up for me in the next few days:
- House cleaning and purging — simplicity is addictive!
- Looking for some sort of way to make money so I can keep up this whole being-at-home thing.
- Packing for one more trip to Tallahassee for the first home FSU game! woot!
- Walking, walking, walking, walking
Here’s some good music for you while you eagerly await my next mind-blurb. So much fun. I wanna hang out with these guys.