church issues · the girls

venting, sans the Jesus tee.

I’m irritated beyond belief, and I’m going to vent.
I just got back from a pool party for BethyGirl1’s  class at school. Now, keep in mind, she spent last night with BethyEx.I’m at the pool, lots of parents and kids milling around, they’re all getting ready to go swimming. I’m in the middle of a conversation with BethyGirl1’s  teacher, and out of the corner of my eye, I see BethyGirl1 on her way to the pool. With a humongous Jesus t-shirt on over her bathing suit. She proceeds to get in the pool with the shirt on.I walk over, and tell her the the wet shirt is probably making her colder, with it sticking to her and all, and she says, “No, mama, I’m being modest.”

This is the same child who, when I pulled a tank top out of the dryer for her to wear one Saturday, cried and refused to wear it.
And her sister pulled the same stunt about a pair of regular (not too short) shorts.

I’m all in favor of modesty. But I KNOW that this comes from the ex and his ‘group’.   And to be completely honest, it looked ridiculous, and called attention to her in the way that a normal bathing suit never would have.

I was seething, and kind of still am. Not necessarily about this one incident (although, yeah it bugs me,) but also for what he has put into her brain about what modesty means.

Am I overreacting?  Last time I checked, here’s the definition of modesty:

 mod·est       (mŏd’ĭst)  Pronunciation Key 

  1. Having or showing a moderate estimation of one’s own talents, abilities, and value.
  2. Having or proceeding from a disinclination to call attention to oneself; retiring or diffident. See Synonyms at shy1.
  3. Observing conventional proprieties in speech, behavior, or dress.
  4. Free from showiness or ostentation; unpretentious. See Synonyms at plain.
  5. Moderate or limited in size, quantity, or range; not extreme: a modest price; a newspaper with a modest circulation.

Tell you what.

Put a virgin in a tight mini and halter, and a slut in an ankle length dress.  Observe them for 15 minutes, and I bet you can tell who’s who.  Modesty is more about actions and attitude, and much less about the clothes one chooses.  Especially when you’re 11. 


3 thoughts on “venting, sans the Jesus tee.

  1. This is hard, You don’t want to make your daughter a battle ground but you don’t want to let her be influenced in a way that will have such emotional and social consequences. Becareful, not to set yourself up. Just try the truth. I know you want to be modest but this wet tee shirt is showing your body in a very revealing way. You can also show her a picture of a burka and let her know the origin of this crap. Good luck.


  2. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this! It makes my heart sad that the are being taught to be timid (not modest!) … I am so glad they have a mommy like you that I am confident will balance it out. You will find the right words/actions. Hang in there!


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