relationships

Rambling

So.

I’m in my post Johnnyvisit funk again.  This one’s different though.  Heh. I have a sense of purpose about me… life changes that need to be made, to make me better, more independent.  Why is it that I’m 34 and am just now getting the feeling that it’s grown-up time?  Oh well, I guess I’m glad it’s arriving.   The New and Improved Bethy? Maybe.  I think I’m afraid of becoming the New and Usedtobemorefun Bethy.

Reading a new book… Stumbling on Happiness….It’s not a self help book, or a guide to becoming happier… More like a tutorial on how the brain works, how and why we seem to really suck at predicting our future happiness.  So far I’m intrigued.  I have a feeling I’ll be commenting more on it as I get further in.

And I think I’m quitting Disney soon. 

in the news · JohnnyFive

ha.

The Onion

Friend Who’s Into Politics Makes You Feel Stupid Again

CHICAGO—Nate Carney, 28, your well-read, politically minded friend of eight years, made you feel ignorant again Tuesday with his incisive breakdown of the current Democratic presidential candidates.

“With former Daschle staffers like [early-state adviser Steve] Hildebrand and a reform-minded message guru like [media consultant David] Axelrod, Obama’s got the team in place he needs to appeal to everyone from the netroots to the AARP set,” said Carney, whose impromptu analysis reminded you that you still haven’t gotten around to reading the Obama cover story in that issue of Time magazine you purchased five months ago. “But even if the youth demo[graphic] increases its already improved turnout from ’04 and ’06, Obama’s still going to need to win over a significant number of rank-and-filers who support [Sen.] Hillary [Clinton] in order to gain a competitive number of convention delegates. Especially considering all the proposed changes to the primary calendar next year.”

After listening to more than 20 minutes of his well-reasoned extrapolation, you were too bewildered and disoriented to ask him what’s up with McCain.

goals · mind blurbs

So you know how when you’re putting a puzzle together…

you do all the sides first? Where you know the boundaries of the puzzle, but the inside is just a scattered mess? And you know what it’s going to look like when it’s done, and you know the hard part’s over, but there’s still work to do to get it just right? But you have faith that at this point, you’re definitely going to finish it, and you’re not going to give up til you’re done?

That’s sort of where I’m at right now.

Except it’s not a puzzle, really.

It’s the BethyLife.

church issues · relationships

Reflections on Sara Teasdale

Home from work today… watching wedding disasters on Lifetime, seriously craving some ahi tuna, and reading Sara Teasdale. Ahh… just what I needed.  I came across a few poems that really hit home to me, and especially relate to my life these past few years.  (Yet another blog that will have no significance to anyone but me…. but so be it.)  Thought I’d share.

“Leaves” represents so much to me. Many years of trying to be someone that I am not… the leaves to me represent friendships that I absolutely had to release in order to live life the way it should be led.  Sometimes those relationships  keep us from seeing all that life has to offer, and once we release the fear of losing those ties, we’re able to trust ourselves and our consciences.   So much of this poem relates to my c of c experiences. 

Leaves

One by one, like leaves from a tree,
All my faiths have forsaken me;
But the stars above my head
Burn in white and delicate red,
And beneath my feet the earth
Brings the sturdy grass to birth.
I who was content to be
But a silken-singing tree,
But a rustle of delight
In the wistful heart of night–
I have lost the leaves that knew
Touch of rain and weight of dew.
Blinded by a leafy crown
I looked neither up nor down–
But the little leaves that die
Have left me room to see the sky;
Now for the first time I know
Stars above and earth below.

And the flip side of the coin.  Some relationships, incredibly,  refuse to fade with time… the ones that don’t simply allow us to be who we are, they revel and encourage us to discover more of ourselves, and make us better.  I am incredibly grateful that I have seen both sides of this coin, so that I can appreciate it all the more.  I wouldn’t trade the loneliness; without it I wouldn’t have recognized true love.  If one day it’s gone, at least I’ll have known that it exists.

I Remembered

There never was a mood of mine,
Gay or heart-broken, luminous or dull,
But you could ease me of its fever
And give it back to me more beautiful.

In many another soul I broke the bread,
And drank the wine and played the happy guest,
But I was lonely, I remembered you;
The heart belongs to him who knew it best.

xoxoxo