goals · organization

Self talk.

Hey. This blog will probably be boring to anyone besides myself, but I felt the need earlier to jot some things down…. and according to me, if I ever feel an actual urge to write it, it has to be blogged.
so, without further ado~

I want to be:

  • the kind of mom who makes special dinners for Valentines Day.
  • the one who actually decorates for Valentines Day and other not-so-significant holidays.
  • the one whose children can’t wait to come home to new seasonal decor. Might sound silly, but I always felt a thrill coming home to see Indian corn hanging by the door, or bunnies in the window, or pine boughs on the fence.
  • the kind of neighbor and housekeeper who can invite people in spontaneously
  • the kind of person who lives her spirituality. who has peace. who sees the humor in life and the big picture.

All of this seems almost trivial today, writing it. And overemphasizing things like housekeeping and messiness…. I wonder if it’s some of the cult mentality still haunting me. I don’t want to use that as an excuse, because, seriously, I do have issues with organization and tidiness. For goodness sake, I still have my Christmas tree up and it’s February 15th. Geez. I can do better than that.

One good thing. Looks like I’m finally getting an idea of what I want to be. This isn’t coming from a neat freak husband or a pampered pulpit preacher. I’m realizing that I’m a better person, and a happier person, when things are better organized. Jinkies. Is this growing up a little? Hmm.


Here I go again…

Hiiiii. So.

Here I go again, trying to get my life into some measure of control. After having spent last night with a bunch of people who were completely OUT of control (and who didn’t seem to mind…), I decided that I truly need to add a little discipline to my own existence.

Now don’t get me wrong, to the casual observer I’m quite responsible and grown up. …I think…

well, unless they see the inside of my car. ha. yeah that gives some folks a clue as to my true person.

If it’s as they say, that who you are when you’re all alone is who you really are, then oops I’m a mess. I lived a life for too long that was all about appearances. In doing so, I think I started to forget the real reasons for doing things. Like personal satisfaction of a job well done. For example… and here’s where I have the most problems, and really always have… If someone is coming over to my house, I’ll get it all neat and pretty, but only after 10 hours of slaving, because I haven’t cleaned in the past month. or two. or however long since the last visitor. Ugh. Thinking about it gets me all stressy.

I have a feeling I’m rambling a bit, but I’m just going to go with it.

So. What I’d like to do is come up with some sort of schedule wherein my house remains in a presentable state. I have drop-in sort of neighbors, and I’m tired of having to barricade my front door with my bod so that they can’t see in. It gets tiring to have to worry about it.

Yeah I’m rambling.

I’ve made a schedule for tomorrow, which includes downtime. If I go by it, then tomorrow at this time I’ll be able to tell you that my house is semi-clean. Which would be so nice. The girls rooms should be done, and the downstairs should at least have been swept and picked up.

Cross your fingers for me. I’m lacking faith that I’ll complete it, somehow. History, maybe? Dunno.

I’ll report back.

I think this whole blog was a waste of time. But here’s a pic that reminds me of fun stuff.

organization · pics · relationships · the girls

Do nuns have maids?

Geez it’s bad when I’m procrastinating my Procrastination Blog.

Guess it was to be expected.

The Job: called too late, he’s already filled the position. I had a whole conversation with myself over whether it “wasn’t meant to be” or if my laziness cost me something cool. I’d prefer to choose option a. Something else will come along.

The Divorce: postponed til September, looks like. I’m SOOO ready for all this to be done, so I can get on with my life. I’ve sort of already started doing that, hence the next category….

The Love Interest: Found my best best friend from highschool, who just happens to also be my first love. I’m trying desperately not to hang on to past emotions as far as he’s concerned. He always makes me laugh, and I can be myself with him. He knows all my hopes and fears about my future.. namely that I’m scared to death of repeating past mistakes, and that I’m thinking of just becoming a nun, to avoid future complications. Right now he’s just being a great source of support for me, and he tells me what I need to hear. Filling best friend status smashingly.

The Girls:

Are fabulous… Abby’s at camp in Tampa right now… church camp with my old church. No shorts, no tank tops, swimming in shorts and a t-shirt, even when she’s only with other girls. Irks me to death, but she loves the camp, so I’m not going to have a fit about it. I just don’t want her thinking that that’s how the real world works, so I have work to do with her, to counteract that ‘us vs them’ mentality of those folks. More on that later, I’m sure.
Kate and I have been chilling out here, not doing a whole lot… but we’re going bowling this afternoon, maybe I’ll end up with some pics from that to show later. This may be the only way I end up ‘scrapbooking’… and what’s funny is that most folks that I know won’t even be seeing it. I’ll just share with you guys. ๐Ÿ˜‰

The Apartment: Is a disaster. I swear, I need ADD meds or a maid. I can’t decide which. I just can’t seem to focus on getting things straight. It just seems so unimportant to me. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love for things to neat and pretty, but I just get overwhelmed looking at it.

Just noticed that I have 2 different fonts going on. ha. oh well.

Ok that’s it for now, I’m gonna hop in the shower.