worryworryworry

Current set of worries about my upcoming Camino Frances:

  1. I haven’t trained nearly enough. By now I was supposed to be walking 5 miles a day during the week and 10-ish miles one day of the weekend. Currently at 5 mile walks 3-4 times a week. Also: no hills in Florida, so I’m afraid I’m ill-prepared.
  2. My Salomon Speedcross 3s may not be working for me. I expected some adjustment period, because they have a lot more support than I’m used to, but the balls of my feet aren’t cushioned enough and I’m getting hotspots after 4 miles. Decision making time – take them back to REI and try something else, or get some insoles?
  3. I’m a fast walker, generally. Since I’m going to be with my dad, I’m concerned that our paces will not match up in an ideal way. Figuring out the best way to handle that – decide on an albergue ahead of time and both of us end up there, in our own time? Or slow my pace down because this is a once in a lifetime I get to experience with him? Note: this could be a completely wrong assumption and he could leave me in the dust. 🙂
  4. Feeling a little guilt about leaving my girls for so long, especially since it will be Kate’s first month of her senior year. They’re both excited like crazy for me, but you know, momguilt. It’s a thing.
  5. I have approximately 1,345,323 books about Camino, but something is keeping me from being exact about planning. (This is probably a good thing, come to think of it.)
  6. Health stuff. So many doctor’s appointments between now and September. Gotta make sure I don’t keel over while I’m in Spain. Just general anxiety about the ticker.

I’m still (of course) stupid excited about going, and I’m praying that my mind will settle once we start walking. That’s my hope, at least. Clear skies, clear mind. ❤

 

 

Time makes you bolder

Alright so I just updated my About section on here, because I felt like it was time – that picture is super old.  While updating, I realized that I have been blogging for nearly TEN YEARS. TEN! These have been the ten most trying years of my life, I think. And I love that in some way, shape or form, they’re documented. I’m not proud of everything – far from it – but it’s there. Sometimes just pictures, or videos, or songs (lawd, tons of songs.) There’s something comforting about going back and seeing growth and maybe even a little wisdom seeping in over the years. Tons of cringing too, ugh.

Anyhoo. My blog brain has been renewed. I no longer feel as if I’m writing for someone else to see. It’s just me here, and really I just want to have something to measure by.

Now I’m gonna go to Disney and help my sister celebrate her 40th birthday, a little late.

 

I should go.

I’m a big picture person. Always have been. Considering my so far 6 year stint as a trivia host, it’s a little funny. Details don’t really stick in my head. I remember feelings, and faces, and gists of things. In some ways, this serves me very well. I have the ability to forgive easily, because truthfully I just don’t recall the wrongs done to me. (Don’t worry, my mom reminds me, she remembers EVERYTHING.) So basically, if my overall impression of someone is positive, then that’s what sticks with me. In the long run, this helps me to remain generally happy. Here’s the thing, though. By not remembering less-than-savory actions/intentions of others, I romanticize. I get stuck – and I am completely aware of it when I do it. (You’ve seen the god-awful posts.) There are those few people who, if I really thought about it, I would realize that they didn’t have my interests in mind, but that damn overall impression is so good that I forgive it — well, not necessarily forgive it, but I just don’t think of their shortcomings at all. Only that delightful, fluffy, warm fuzzy kind of feeling they gave me. The older I get, the more I realize how damaging it is, and I have to force myself to come out of the old and fully come into the new.  Someone who cares about you doesn’t hurt you on purpose. End of story. And a relationship like that doesn’t deserve fond memories, or a place in my brain.

So this is where I’ve been. Stuck remembering things as good when, in fact, they were just built on lies and pretend lives and some weird need to be paid attention to. I’ve written about it before but I’m sick of thinking about it. I need some Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind kind of shit, lol. If I’m being honest, that’s what I’m really looking for in my September Camino – the ability to see things as they really are and MOVE ON. My brain surprises and disappoints me with its inability to do this. I need a bigger experience to dwell on. I’m ready for Autumn. ❤

Sometimes you’re Summer, sometimes you’re Tom.

The prayer of Petros

‘Have pity, Lord, on we who seek out and dare to take up the sword that you have promised, and who are a saintly and sinful lot scattered throughout the world. Because we do not recognize even ourselves, and often think that we are dressed, but we are nude; we believe that we have committed a crime, when in reality we have saved someone’s life. And do not forget in your pity for all of us that we hold the sword with the hand of an angel and the hand of a devil, and that they are both the same hand. Because we are of the world, and we continue to be of the world, and we have need of thee. We will always be in need of thy law that says, “When I sent you without money bag, knapsack, and sandals, you lacked nothing.”’

The Pilgrimage, by Paulo Coelho

Coming soon: Strong Camino bod

Hard core training time is coming! I have to get this body ready!

Plan:

  • 5 miles/day, one 10 miler on the weekends. Starting in June I’ll be doing those walks with my pack on.
  • Gradually decrease the time and temperature of my showers
  • Start sleeping with earplugs in my ears/stop getting angry at Shawn for snoring CONSTANTLY

While getting Kate through her junior year of high school, Abby through her sophomore year in college, moving in a month, and juggling 3 part time jobs, I think my tiny training plan will be plenty challenging. I’m committed to keeping myself accountable so hopefully that means more relevant camino posts are on the way. We shall see.

I finally joined APOC last week, and got this handy dandy patch to put on my backpack. It may clash a little with my purple – hopefully I won’t be mistaken for an LSU fan. 🙂
apoc

 

That’s all for now, folks! I’ve got stuff to do!