relationships · the girls · work

January 10, 2007

Well hey, and crap. Knew this was going to happen…
I link this thing to my poetry and then give it to myspace. Ta-da! Instant afraid-to-say-what-I-wanna-say syndrome. Oh well. I’ll eventually talk to the 5 about it and see if it bothers him, cause what prompted today’s worry was that I was going to mention our little tiff last night. Gah. I hate when I do stuff that seems like a good idea at the time, and then backfires.

The girls: Are doing really well.. had a teacher conference with Abby’s teacher this morning. Eyes tremendously poufy due to the whole weirdness last night. I wasn’t really happy with Keith seeing that, since he SO knows what that pouf means. Happiness is the best revenge and dangit I don’t want him to think I have a care in the world. Oops. The girls. 🙂 Abby needs a swift kick in the pants to resume effort in math at school; she’s already taking 6th grade math in 5th grade, but I think she expected it to be as easy as it’s always been for her. Bless her heart, she’s just like me sometimes, with the tenderheartness… crying at the drop of a hat, when the teacher asks her if she needs help. Mrs Ortiz said today, and it made me cry (surprise)… “Abby seems to want to just suffer in silence. I just want her to be happy.” Amen. That’s what I want too. It just seems that she’s so intimidated by her teachers, and I guess at times… well, not so much intimidated as much as fearful of hurting mine and Keith’s feelings. She just doesn’t want to talk about things that bother her. I know that we need to get her out of that habit, or I’m going to lose her in teenagerdom. That scares me.
Kate’s rolling on as usual. Cracks me up… any issues she has with this divorce will result, not in academic problems, but in behavioral, I can tell. She has to write sentences with her spelling words, and apparently yesterday wrote a sentence using the word ‘mouth’… “Kelsey’s mouth just will not stop!” Oh geez louise, this kid. Even though it’s true, I can’t believe she wrote that and turned it in to her teacher. I would never have had the nerve.

The Job: Still loving it, utterly. I’m not as entertaining, perhaps, as some of the other cast members, but I do enjoy sparking a smile in some of our more weary guests. I like to think I give them enough cheer that they don’t grump up, cause really, who wants to be grumpy in Disney? or for that matter, hang out with ole grumpy grandpa?
I am having a bit of a time with the friends thing. Everyone I work with is either many years younger, or many years older. There’s no one there like me, ya know? But shoot, I’ve never had friends my own age… they’ve always been older. So now, I’m the old one, and it’s hard to get used to. I enjoy everyone SO much, but I feel SO different. I guess that’s the name of the game for me now. Sort of depressing. My best friend is miles and miles away in Ohio. which leads us to…

The love interest: Miss him terribly. Last night we had a tiff, sort of. Really just simultaneous grumpiness, I think. In any case, there was a little bit where we weren’t talking, just because it seemed like a train wreck, and neither of us could say anything right. In that time, I prayed, prayed that this would not fall apart. I am so entirely emotionally invested in this that it scares the bejeezus out of me. or the Jesus into me. you know what I mean. I remind myself over and over that I’m fine on my own, fine on my own… like a mantra. But I don’t want to be. If this doesn’t work out, I will be by myself for a very very long time. By choice. Because if this isn’t perfect, then I give up that perfect exists.

The church: Well, I think that Catholicism is winning… seems like I long to go Mass now… I’m still awfully confused about where I’m supposed to be. I’m hoping that at some point, it becomes clear to me. I have to get the idea out of my head that there is some awful WRONG choice. Cult mentality strikes again. It’ll come.

The house: Messy, but will be straight and lovely and de-Christmased by the weekend. Looks like I may have visitors every weekend til the end of the month. Should be fun. 🙂

The divorce: Seems wrong to have a love interest spot along with an unfinished divorce topic, doesn’t it? Well pfft on you if you think so. Walk in my shoes. 😉
I’m hoping within the next month that I’ll be a free woman. Poorer, dangit, but free.

Still lovin life, and happier than I have been in a really really long time.
I wouldn’t change a thing.
If you’re reading this, comment. I have to know who to be appropriately embarassed around.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “January 10, 2007

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s