pics · relationships · the girls · work

It’s late so here’s a title…

ok yeah this is really kinda funny…I can’t decide whether I’m gonna blog here, or my poetry blog, or on myspace, or just write in an old fashioned journal. My poor children are gonna have a helluva time trying to piece my mind together once I’m gone.
Lots to update since last time… guess I’ll go by topic, since that seemed to work well before. That last long post, even I won’t take the time to read. Well, not now, anyway. Not thinking anyone else would give a flying rats fanny, but that’s ok. ha. I’m rambling already. lovely.

The Job: Working at Disney now, and loving it. I’m in Adventureland, and working the Tiki Room and Aladdin’s Magic Carpets. The people I’m with are a joy for the most part, and the ones who aren’t, are fun to mock. So. all is well. I’m sure I’ll add more detail here later.

The love interest: Yay. JohnnyFive. In spite of his moody bluesness and his overly cynical views of the world around him, I still adore the man. I can’t help it. His intelligence, wit, and fierce loyalty inspire me… and I think I can help him out in the negativity department. I hesitate to say that, because, geez, I wouldn’t want to fool myself into thinking that I could change him. I really just would like to see him happier, and I think I’m just the woman who can do it, if anyone can. Hmm. Guess that’s the kicker. Can anyone? I really think that’s up to him.

I talked to the ex today, and discussed the possibility of being friends…. it was a long conversation… and to be honest, I wasn’t sure about how to go about it without jeopardizing his new relationship. Since I broke things off with him, I didn’t want a continued friendship to end up seeming like I was leading him on. Make sense? So anyway, I talked to John about it. Really talked to him, and told him how I felt. Normally I would have been scared to mention this other person, and I would have hidden the whole conversation, with probably no ill effect. But John doesn’t make me feel as if I have to. I know that he’ll listen to me, and that he knows me. I trust him completely, and finally feel as if I’m trusted as well. 🙂

The girls:
Seem to be doing really well. Kate had a sort of epiphany on Sunday. We were about to go out to eat after church (see The Church below) and Abby and I mentioned Steak n Shake. Kate announced that she hated that place… I was like…. wha? you always liked it. She went on to say that it made her remember Tallahassee too much, and all the good times we had there. I sort of butted on into that one, and said,”why would you want to forget that?” We discussed it for a few minutes, and she brought up the fact that “dad hates tallahassee”… so I had to deal with that. Easy enough, I just told her that I thought it was a shame to hate a place that held so many good memories for us, and that it was ok to think back on those times with happiness, instead of sadness. That’s what memories are for. Not to regret that we don’t live them right this second, but to realize and be thankful that we had those times at all. So anyway, gosh it’s taking me 400 years to get to the point here…. she ended up saying that she hates Orlando… I told her that I had an idea about where that feeling was coming from, and asked if she wanted to hear what I thought about it. She said yes.. so I told her that I thought that what she hated wasn’t Orlando, necessarily, but perhaps what happened once we got here. The divorce. (or geez, the separation, since the darn thing is not coming easily…) So, she cried when I said that, and we really got to discuss the fact that the divorce was something that would have happened even if we had stayed in Tallahassee. I’m rambling now, but in the end, Kate said that she felt better now that we had talked about it. I’m glad that she was able to show some emotion concerning it all, and that she was open to talking about it. Abby of course, never said a word, but I knew she was listening. Hope some of that sunk in.

The Church: Aah, the quest for a church that isn’t a cult! It’s been a long hard road for me, religionwise. I’m closer to God now than ever before, and funnily enough (is funnily a word?) I’m more confused about God than ever before. Odd. I’m not sure where to go to worship Him, but I feel His presence much more than I have in the past 16 years that I’ve been culty. I’m thankful for my confusion. I’m convinced that in the end, wisdom will grow from it.
So we visited the United Methodist congregation on Sunday, and the girls seemed to really like it. They were having the Christmas Cantata, which I’m sure killed the exhub when he heard about it. Christmas? In a church? Unscriptural! Unfounded! Not in accordance with God’s Will! (I’m not buying it.) Anyway, the music was beautiful, and I cried, celebrating the birth of Jesus in a religious way, in church, for the first time in 16 years. Words cannot express.

The House: Crap on a stick. It’s a mess.
The Parents: Are coming on Wednesday. I’d better hurry the heck up.

I’m glad you’re here. No one knows about you, and I don’t think I’ll be telling anytime soon.

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